美文賞析:一位改變了我生活的女孩
My childhood and adolescence were a joyous outpouring of energy, a ceaseless quest for expression, skill, and experience. School was only a background to the supreme delight of lessons in music, dance, and dramatics, and the thrill of sojourns in the country, theaters, concerts.
我在童年和少年時代激情四溢，無時無刻不追求展現自我、磨礪才藝和體味生活。學校裏的音樂、舞蹈和戲劇課讓我歡欣不已，而劇院和音樂會更讓我身心為之震顫，鄉間流連的時光也同樣美妙。
And books, big Braille books that came with me on streetcars, to the table, and to bed. Then one night at a high school dance, a remark, not intended for my ears, stabbed my youthful bliss: “That girl, what a pity she is blind.” Blind! That ugly word that implied everything dark, blank, rigid, and helpless. Quickly I turned and called out, Please don’t feel sorry for me, I’m having lots of fun. But the fun was not to last.
還有我的書，那些厚重的盲文書籍無論在我乘車、用餐還是睡覺時都與我形影不離。然而，一天晚上，在高中的一次舞會上，一句我無意中聽到的話霎那間將我年少的幸福擊碎——“那女孩是個瞎子，真可惜！”瞎子——這個刺耳的字眼隱含着一個陰暗、漆黑、僵硬和無助的世界。我立刻轉過身，大聲喊道：“請不要為我歎惜，我很快樂！”——但我的快樂自此不復存在。
With the advent of college, I was brought to grips with the problem of earning a living. Part-time teaching of piano and harmony and, upon graduation, occasional concerts and lectures, proved only partial sources of livelihood. In terms of time and effort involved, the financial remuneration was disheartening. This induced within me searing self-doubt and dark moods of despondency. Adding to my dismal sense of inadequacy was the repeated experience of seeing my sisters and friends go off to exciting dates. How grateful I was for my piano, where—through Chopin, Brahms, and Beethoven—I could mingle my longing and seething energy with theirs. And where I could dissolve my frustration in the beauty and grandeur of their conceptions.
升入大學之後，我開始為生計而奔波。課餘時間我教授鋼琴及和聲，臨近畢業時還偶爾參加幾次演奏會，做了幾次講座，可要維持生計光靠這些還是不夠，與投入的時間和精力相比，它們在經濟上的回報讓人沮喪。這讓我失去了自信和勇氣，內心鬱悶苦惱。眼看我的姐妹和夥伴們一次次興高采烈地與人約會，我更覺消沉空虛。 所幸的是，還有鋼琴陪我。我沸騰的渴望和激情在肖邦、貝多芬、勃拉姆斯那裏得到了共鳴。我的挫敗感在他們美妙壯麗的音樂構想中消散。
Then one day, I met a girl, a wonderful girl, an army nurse, whose faith and stability were to change my whole life. As our acquaintance ripened into friendship, she discerned, behind a shell of gaiety, my recurring plateaus of depression. She said, “Stop knocking on closed doors. Keep up your beautiful music. I know your opportunity will come. You’re trying too hard. Why don’t you relax, and have you ever tried praying?”
直到有一天，我遇見一位女孩，一位出色的女孩，這名隨軍護士的信念和執著將改變我的一生。我們日益熟稔，成為好友，她也慢慢察覺出我的快樂的外表之下內心卻時常愁雲密佈。她對我説，“門已緊鎖，敲有何用？堅持你的音樂夢想，我相信機會終將來臨。你太辛苦了，何不放鬆一下——試試禱告如何？”
The idea was strange to me. It sounded too simple. Somehow, I had always operated on the premise that, if you wanted something in this world, you had to go out and get it for yourself. Yet, sincerity and hard work had yielded only meager returns, and I was willing to try anything. Experimentally, self-consciously, I cultivated the daily practice of prayer. I said: God, show me the purpose for which You sent me to this world. Help me to be of use to myself and to humanity.
禱告？我從未想到過，聽起來太天真了。一直以來，我的行事準則都是，無論想得到什麼都必須靠自己去努力爭取。不過既然從前的熱誠和辛勞回報甚微，我什麼都願意嘗試一番。雖然有些不自在，我嘗試着每天都禱告——“上帝啊，你將我送到世上，請告訴我你賜予我的使命。幫幫我，讓我於人於己都有用處。”
In the years to follow, the answers began to arrive, clear and satisfying beyond my most optimistic anticipation. One of the answers was Enchanted Hills, where my nurse friend and I have the privilege of seeing blind children come alive in God’s out-of-doors. Others are the never-ending sources of pleasure and comfort I have found in friendship, in great music, and, most important of all, in my growing belief that as I attune my life to divine revelation, I draw closer to God and, through Him, to immortality.
在接下來的幾年裏，我得到了明確而滿意的回答，超出了我最樂觀的期望值。其中一個回答就是魔山盲人休閒營區。在那裏，我和我的護士朋友每年都有幸看到失明 的孩子們在大自然的懷抱中是多麼生氣勃勃。除此之外，朋友們真摯的友誼以及美妙的音樂都給我帶來無窮無盡的歡樂和慰藉。最重要的是，我越來越意識到，在我日復一日的禱告中，當我聆聽上帝的啟示之時，我正日益與他靠近，並通過他接近永恆。
附註：
作者：羅絲·雷斯尼克，於1934年畢業於亨特學院，之後又獲得了加州大學的碩士學位，現為三藩市盲人康樂協會的執行主任。
美文欣賞:你可以選擇自己想過的生活
Occasionally, life can be undeniably, impossibly difficult. We are faced with challenges and events that can seem overwhelming, life-destroying to the point where it may be hard to decide whether to keep going. But you always have a choice. Jessica Heslop shares her powerful, inspiring journey from the worst times in her life to the new life she has created for herself:
生活有時候困難得難以置信，但又不容置疑。我們面臨的挑戰與困境似乎無法抵禦，試圖毀滅我們生活，甚至使你猶疑是否繼續走下去。但是你總有選擇的餘地。從人生低谷走向新生活的傑西卡·赫斯樂普，在這裏與我們分享她啟迪心靈、充滿震撼力的生活之旅。
In 2012 I had the worst year of my life.
2012年是我生活中最艱難的一年。
I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with little greenery. I occupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to find it.
我做着討厭的財務工作，住在難尋綠色的高樓林立的城市。我忙於無意義的交往，在一些膚淺表面的東西上大筆開銷。我尋找快樂，卻又不知道它在哪裏。
Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under great pressure. I eventually regained my physical health, but not long after that I got a call from my family at home to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted to a hospice.
然後我患上了慢性疲勞綜合症，幾乎到了卧牀不起的地步。我不得不辭掉工作，同時也就斷了財源。我和那時僅相處了3個月的男友住在一起，經濟上完全依賴於他，我們的關係承受着巨大壓力。終於我恢復健康，但不久，我接到家裏的電話，父親的癌症急劇惡化，已經住進了臨終關懷中心。
I left the city and I went home to be with him.
我離開了城市，回家陪父親。
He died 6 months later.
6個月之後，他去世了。
My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.
父親的事讓我徹底清醒。他一直很強壯，在他嚥氣之後一分鐘裏，我真的認為，他會活過來。我不能相信，我再也不能依偎在他温暖的懷抱裏，享受他寬大的胸懷帶給我的安全感。
The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had each other.
母親和我們5個兄弟姐妹極為難過，但至少我們還擁有彼此。
But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was admitted to hospital.
但是，那時我大姐開始抱怨着背痛，2個月後，因疼痛加劇也住進了醫院。
They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothing that they could do.
醫生們檢查發現，她已是骨癌晚期，對此他們已無能為力。
She died 1 month later.
1個月之後，她也走了。
I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.
大姐的`逝去讓我陷入難以形容的痛苦之中。
She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been losing her.
在這個世界上，她是一個能走路、會説話的天使，我最喜歡的人。如果有人問我，世界上發生的最壞的事情是什麼，那就是失去她。
She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.
她是我的靈魂伴侶，我從來沒有想過，我會走過沒有她陪伴的生命旅程。
The Moment Of Deliberate Choice
抉擇時刻
The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate. I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.
我被打擊和極度的心痛擊挎了。強烈的痛苦使世界在我眼中變得如此淒涼。我沒有真正意義上的家，沒有錢，沒有工作，也沒有關心我的朋友。沒有一個人因我失去親人而寄給我慰問卡。
I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.
我嘗試着活下去，結果住進了醫院。
I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed with me all night long.
我記得，躺在病牀上，看着天花板，看到姐姐美麗的面龐。她整夜守候着我。
I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.
那天晚上，我意識到我可以選擇。要麼結束生命，要麼活下去。
I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my journey here.
望着姐姐的眼睛，我決定不跟她走。我要留下來，走完我的生命旅程。
I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and nothing less.
同時，我還決定，不只為生活而生活，我要完全以自己想要的方式生活。
In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark room for the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenly looked real for the first time.
在那一刻，這一想法第一次清晰得如同一盞在黑暗閃爍的明燈。好像腳下的地球版塊變換了，每一樣東西在我眼前都真實得前所未有。
美文賞析:打開心門擁抱生活
We often close ourselves off when traumatic events happen in our lives; instead of letting the world soften us, we let it drive us deeper into ourselves. We try to deflect the hurt and pain by pretending it doesn’t exist, but although we can try this all we want, in the end, we can’t hide from ourselves. We need to learn to open our hearts to the potentials of life and let the world soften us.
生活發生不幸時，我們常常會關上心門；世界不僅沒能慰藉我們，反倒使我們更加消沉。我們假裝一切彷彿都不曾發生，以此試圖忘卻傷痛，可就算隱藏得再好，最終也還是騙不了自己。既然如此，何不嘗試打開心門，擁抱生活中的各種可能，讓世界感化我們呢？
Whenever we start to let our fears and seriousness get the best of us, we should take a step back and re-evaluate our behavior. The items listed below are six ways you can open your heart more fully and completely.
當恐懼與焦慮來襲時，我們應該退後一步，重新反思自己的言行。下面六個方法有助於你更完滿透徹地敞開心扉。
1. Breathe into pain
直面痛苦
Whenever a painful situation arises in your life, try to embrace it instead of running away or trying to mask the hurt. When the sadness strikes, take a deep breath and lean into it. When we run away from sadness that’s unfolding in our lives, it gets stronger and more real. We take an emotion that’s fleeting and make it a solid event, instead of something that passes through us.
當生活中出現痛苦的事情時，別再逃跑或隱藏痛苦，試着擁抱它吧；當悲傷來襲時，試着深呼吸，然後直面它。如果我們一味逃避生活中的悲傷，悲傷只會變得更強烈更真實——悲傷原本只是稍縱即逝的情緒，我們卻固執地耿耿於懷。
By utilizing our breath we soften our experiences. If we dam them up, our lives will stagnate, but when we keep them flowing, we allow more newness and greater experiences to blossom.
深呼吸能減緩我們的感受。屏住呼吸，生活停滯；呼出呼吸，更多新奇與經歷又將拉開序幕。
2. Embrace the uncomfortable
擁抱不安
We all know what that twinge of anxiety feels like. We know how fear feels in our bodies: the tension in our necks, the tightness in our stomachs, etc. We can practice leaning into these feelings of discomfort and let them show us where we need to go.
我們都經歷過焦灼的煎熬感，也都感受過恐懼造成的生理反應：脖子僵硬、胃酸翻騰。其實，我們有能力面對這些痛苦的感受，從中領悟到出路。
The initial impulse is to run away — to try and suppress these feelings by not acknowledging them. When we do this, we close ourselves off to the parts of our lives that we need to experience most. The next time you have this feeling of being truly uncomfortable, do yourself a favor and lean into the feeling. Act in spite of the fear.
我們的第一反應總是逃避——以為否認不安情緒的存在就能萬事大吉，可這也恰好妨礙了我們經歷最需要的生活體驗。下次感到不安時，不管有多害怕，也請試着勇敢面對吧。
3. Ask your heart what it wants
傾聽內心
We’re often confused at the next step to take, making pros and cons lists until our eyes bleed and our brains are sore. Instead of always taking this approach, what if we engaged a new part of ourselves that isn’t usually involved in the decision making process?
我們常對未來猶疑不定，反覆考慮利弊直到身心俱疲。與其一味顧慮重重，不如從局外人的角度看待決策之事。
I know we’ve all felt decisions or actions that we had to take simply due to our “gut” impulses: when asked, we can’t explain the reasons behind doing so — just a deep knowing that it had to get done. This instinct is the part of ourselves we’re approaching for answers.
其實很多決定或行動都是我們一念之間的結果：要是追問原因的話，恐怕我們自己也道不清説不明，只是感到直覺如此罷了。而這種直覺恰好是我們探索結果的潛在自我。
To start this process, take few deep breaths then ask, “Heart, what decision should I make here? What action feels the most right?”
開始前先做幾次深呼吸，問自己：“內心認為該做什麼樣的決定呢？覺得采取哪個方案最恰當？”
See what comes up, then engage and evaluate the outcome.
看看自己的內心反應如何，然後全力以赴、靜待結果吧。
文萃咖
